My wish.


The campfire was dancing with glee, and so did we. The work on the family allotment, under intense sun burning on your back, seemed a hard labour. At last we had finished for the day. The meat was soaking in marinade, getting ready to turn into juicy shish kebab with plenty of fresh veggies ready. It is rather impossible to describe the  taste of a tomato and a cucumber, freshly picked and sun ripened. You just have to try it.

I’ve  decided to go and look for more wood to burn.


The evenings near the Caucuses mountains were  wonderful. Warm after the dark; the aromas of the day somehow  more intense, infused by the various tropical plants and trees around, magnolias, jasmine, mimosa, lilac, the blossoms & scents  depend on the time of the year.  But the summer nights were special to me because of peculiar insects that accompany  evenings, fireflies and noisy cicadas. I could sit, listen, watch the fireflies, fascinated by them, into the dawn, if allowed.

The sun was about to set down, lighting up the skies in magnificent colours, as if they were done by a master painter. I treasure the memory of those trips to the allotment now. Picking up dry wood among the bushes, I suddenly saw the most beautiful bird! A blue bird! Quietly calling my mother over, we stared in disbelief, enchanted, as if we just truck on the gold mine!

What a bird,  you can only see  once in a life time! – she finally said.

Angela, quick, make a wish!

I didn’t have to be asked twice. Being in the last year of High school I knew exactly the right wish!!!

We ate the most delicious, succulent shish kebab ever, and burdened under the weight of our garden produce,  hurried home.

I don’t know if I actually believed that seeing a Blue Bird means anything , but I did make a wish. At exactly that time next year I wanted to be a University student!

The last year in school flew as a bullet.  Before I could blink,  I was standing in front of the old building of medical University in a fine city of Tver, far away from the Caucasus.

It has been pointed out:’ We would never imagine that getting our heart’s deepest desires might be the worst thing that can ever happen to us.’
 Oh how true this was of me at that moment particularly, but little did I know! The whole trip turned into one big disaster. It started off with the torrential rain, our plane tickets were canceled once, and it finished off with the flood of tears because I didn’t pass my entrance exams.

What I felt that day, describes most similar in Aibileen’s word’s from the novel, ‘The Help’.’That was the day the whole world went black. Air looked black, sun looked black. I laid up in bed and stared at the black walls a my house. Minny  came ever day to make sure I was still breathing, feed me food to keep me living. Took three months fore I even look out the window, see if the world still there. I was surprised to see the world didn’t stop just cause my boy did.’   She was mourning the real  tragedy.  I mourned my self-centeredness. The road to life is through the death to self. That was the very beginning of my walk with the Lord.

Now, looking back, it is amusing to see how naïve I was, full of my own ambitions, pride, self-sufficiency, self-centeredness and all together totally blind about the future.

That trip came to a dead end. Not only a blue bird, even both of my parents were helpless. I’ve stayed at home and learnt the basics – what to do around the house.

It so happened that while my mother didn’t read the Bible, she sincerely believed in God. Eventually, being bored or desperate, or both, I ended up in front of the Orthodox church, back near the old, good Caucuses. The church was a basic building, not as impressive as  Orthodox  churches with golden kupols that I just saw in Moscow, but still trying to reach out to the heavens. Most of the people at the church were old women in black, their heads also covered  with  black scarves. So depressing, but I had nowhere else to go for hope. I lit my candles. I saw the crucifix and  prayed to Jesus: ‘I want to know if you are real. Do you love me?!’

Almost immediately I knew and felt that God heard me. That day I went home with a peace in my heart. Somehow the future,  still unknown, seemed a lot better. I prayed to God every day after. I did ask for forgiveness, not sure for what though at the time – my own sin or just in general. I knew that somehow, somewhere I failed Him. I definitely felt foolish for not trusting Him with my life before.  The desire for unconditional love and  help from God to guide me into the future was burning in me now.

At some point, I got the Bible into my hands. I’ve asked for forgiveness for my sins. I got baptized, to tell the world that I follow Christ. I’ve never got granted that wish I had, when I saw a blue bird. I’m only grateful for that. I had many other wishes of my heart granted since, God blessed and approved! The Bible true when it says ‘taste the Lord and see that He is good!’

Supernaturally, I experience God’s ever-present help daily, whether in big decisions or small. I see unbelief all around me, but how can anyone take something if it is real and alive from you?! I enjoy my life immensely, still I can’t wait for Jesus to appear in His second coming in glory. And when He does, will you welcome His return?!!! The Bible says that ‘every knee will bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.’

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